House ***Update***

Well, we got outbid for the house. It kind of sucks, but also it was a nice house at the price we bid, but not as nice as its actual price, so I'm pretty much fine with it in the end. Also, the whole thing developed so quickly that I think I'll be a lot more comfortable with the process after a few more weeks/months of checking out the market.

Funny Internet Stuff

The internet isn't just for porn anymore, people! Apparently you can learn to hack into traffic signs:
Or you can learn about urinals designed to either assist users or, perhaps, violently pull of their genetalia:
Or, maybe best of all, you can remind yourself of how much smarter you are than the average criminal:

House??!??

What costs a quarter million dollars and can be destroyed by either of the two previous posts?

Did I hear someone say a new house, because they're right. This is a picture of a house that Beth and I are in the process of bidding on up here in Anchorage. It's not exactly where we want to live, and puts Beth out of walking distance from her job, but its bikeable and has a bus line that comes within about 3 blocks of both home and work. As for the house itself, it's in great shape, has an awesome backyard, a good kitchen, a nice master bedroom, 2 bathrooms, an office, an extra bedroom, another bedroom that will mostly be a gear room, lots of light, a big playroom/ TV room downstairs, a nice living room upstairs, a new back deck and moose prints in the yard.

The idea of a mortgage might scare the shit out of me. But the thought of living in this house the rest of the time I'm in Anchorage sure doesn't.

and Volcano?

Over the past 2 days, Mt Redoubt, a 10,000 foot high volcano just over 100 miles from Anchorage, has seen a dramatic increase in seismic activity accompanied by observations of increased sulfur gas emissions. An overflight showed that no eruption was in progress, but the Alaska Volcano Observatory raised the Volcano Alert Level to "Advisory" which is colored orange, indicating an impending election (get it? fucking neocons.) although an eruption is not necessarily immenent. You can read the report and get further updates from the observatory.

Earthquake!

At 9:10 on Saturday morning a magnitude 5.8 earthquake shook the Kenai Peninsula and the city of Anchorage. How strong is a magnitude 5.8 quake, you ask? Scientifically speaking, its strong enough to wake up 50% of Anchorigians sleeping in a basement apartment downtown, but thats just nerd-talk.

Here's the details: USGS earthquake summary

P.S. For clarification, Beth was the one who actually felt it, while I slept like a baby.

The two Vegai

*** in loving memory of the old Jon Wiener, the one that strangers were afraid of ***

I made my first trip to Vegas last fall, and liked it so much that I made my second trip last fall, too. In fact, I made the second trip before I even got back from the first. And I don't mean that I booked a second visit on my way out of town or anything. I mean I was back in the casinos for another go-round before I was back in my apartment. So I guess that's what I could mean by the two Vegai....

But its not. No, the two Vegai both come from the first stay in Sin City. It was an excellent night, full of drinking and gambling, and much more drinking, followed by some more drinking and gambling. By the time I got back to the hotel not only was it light out, but the sun was hot. All around me, the high-rise hotels around me all seemed to have twins, my drunken double vision playing tricks on the mind....

Again, this isn't what I meant by the Vegai. The two Vegai are the two sides of the city: one where a $400 bottle of vodka gets you seats behind the velvet rope, and one where $5 chips get you a seat across from the Crash Davis of the Boston Red Sox, now a dealer at a 2nd (really 4th) tier casino. One where the rich go to blow off steam and money at top speed, and one where the not so rich hope not to get cleaned out too quickly. In the first, the bikinis at the pool are so small that you wonder why anyone would bother with the strip clubs. In the other, the alphas at the pool are so big that maybe you'll just hope (ahem) to see the girls later.

Its somewhere in this second Vegas that, taking cards from the former ballplayer, you'll find yourself an Italian, a Jew, a Pollack and a Swede, all proudly wearing a few strings of mardi gras beads collected in lieu of a larger cash payout for hitting blackjack. They've escaped Vegas #1 after helping themselves to its vodka and now they plan to milk free bourbon and cokes and bud heavies until, miraculously, better judgement steps in and sends them to bed, if that ever happens. In order of stereotype, they're happy because there are no italian women around to scream at them then age 30 years and gain 50 pounds in the space of 2 weeks. They're happy because if they want they can just tip a dollar every other drink, because the service really wasn't that great. They're happy because the dealer counts their cards for them, sparing them the difficulty of having to count to 21 (and just think of the trouble they've saved if one of their cards is an ace). They're happy because they're smart and attractive, but still not as attractive as their women, who are universally regarded as the most attractive in the world. And together they're happy because they're in Vegas, where everything gets done for you in the hope of a tip, even just a dollar chip, which means nobody will ask them to change one of the millions of lightbulbs shining overhead.

Feelin adult...

... I've been finding myself saying I feel old more and more often recently, like when I yawn at 9:30 at night or wake up feeling stiff after jogging (the day before) the day before, but this is different. This is the beginning of a confidence that I can actually someday be fit to lead a mature lifestyle, which is good because I'm getting closer and closer to biting off as much as I can possibly chew, if not more! Actually, it's Beth who's officially going to be doing the biting, but since we both feel like we're in this for the long haul I'll take the liberty of keeping myself at the center of this story.
You see, last Wednesday and Friday we met with mortgage lenders, and on Friday evening we met with a realtor to see a couple of houses. We're on no timetable to get anything done, but we don't want the next place we live to be a rental and our current apartment leaves some critical things to be desired, especially in the sunlight and screaming-in-the-middle-of-the-night departments. So we're getting prepared and keeping our eyes open. And I'm trying not to soil my boxers at the thought of tying myself to a contract that costs a quarter million (before taxes and interest) over the next 30 years.

I couldn't come up with a good enough name for this post...

hehehehe

Insult to injury...

By Friday morning I was feeling well enough to head out with Beth for some brunch downtown. While I was sick the outside world had gone from North Pole freeze to East Coast thaw, and everything that had been covered in snow was now covered in inches of ice. I think it actually took us about 10 minutes to make it a block and a half to a major street where the sidewalk was marginally passable. Anyway, we went to brunch, stopped to pick up some rubber thingies with metal spikes to slip over our shows, and made it home without any major falls.
As we came through the gate, Beth said "I hope our apartment isn't flooding," and I think you can guess that it was. The window well in our study had about a foot of water in it, and water was pouring around the glass and down onto my desk. Beth took on the inside cleanup and I ran outside to bail the window well and start diverting water away from the house. In the end, a bunch of my notes and some checkbooks got wet, a bunch of Beth's old tax documents got ruined, and my computer was thoroughly doused as well. Fortunately the computer seems to have dried out without permanent damage and we haven't had to deal with a repeat of the flooding. We're still drying the carpet, the room is still a mess and I think we're going to have to try a different layout for the room in case this happens again come spring, but I think that overall we've survived the incident fairly well....

Oh, man....

Yesterday was the first time in my life I've ever had a full-blown case of stomach flu, and it is terrible. Between 2am and 4:30am I threw up a dozen times and was really worried that I'd end up in an emergency room. But thanks to the time difference we called Beth's dad (an ER doctor) at 7:30 his time for advice and reassurance, and Beth did a wonderful job taking care of me after that. By bedtime last night I was feeling much improved, and this morning I would say I'm pretty much fine. Now here's this video, because it is hilariously relevant...

It worked for the ancient Greeks....

Maybe it'll work for me. My latest data isn't useless, it just presents a somewhat muddled picture. So instead I decided to take a more constellational approach to the problem and decided it looks more like a scorpion than aging and weathering sediments and soils. I'm sure you'll agree.

(With all respect due to angry pirate monkeys, if you think I ripped off your idea here, you're dreaming. This is brilliant and original. Pbbbbbbbttt!)

Before anybody decides that I'm just being a sissy...

On Tuesday, Anchorage tied the record low temperature for January 6 of -18 degrees. This is the only day since I have been here that did not set the record outright.

Re: Bitterly Cold

In a related note to the earlier story, Beth and I had to pick up a friend at the airport on Saturday night, so she started the car and let it run for a couple of minutes to warm up the engine while we stayed inside. Having a second set of keys, she locked the car doors (my idea) to keep the car from wandering off on its own. Of course, we came back outside only to find out that the door remote doesn't work while the engine is running, and all the locks (even the trunk) were frozen solid. It was -11 outside and midnight, but I think we handled the situation pretty well. Just not as well as our near saint of a landlady, who arrived with her lock de-icing spray while I was still looking for a place to plug in an extension cord and hair-dryer.

And we made it to the airport in time to wait in the parking lot for a half hour before our friend's baggage finally came out.

Bitterly Cold

That is the headline for tonight's weather forecast. Considering that this headline hasn't turned up yet since I've been here, and that temperatures have been no higher than -3 degrees (during the daytime) over that span, I'm a little nervous.

On the plus side, the super-cold temperatures have made everything beautiful up here. There's a layer of hoar frost on everything outside, so every tree looks like the picture on the left, with each branch coated 360 degrees in ice crystals. And even though it hasn't snowed in a week or more, the snow is still white and beautiful, although its so cold that it squeaks underfoot so loudly that it was hard to hear what Beth was saying as I walked her to work this morning!